Dating a Cancer Man by a Cancer Man

The Gemini/Aries Conspiracy:

Introduction

You’ve probably read a dozen articles about Cancer men—how we’re either the most caring partner you could ask for or a ticking emotional time bomb. But as a Cancer man myself, I can tell you, those stereotypes barely scratch the surface. Before you buy into those pretty little packages of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ traits, let me show you what really lies beneath.
I'm here to set the record straight about how I, as a Cancer man, approach relationships—from start to finish. You'll gain a clear understanding of what it's like to have a Cancer in your life.

I'll also address common misconceptions about Cancer men:

• "They’re moody and unstable."
• "They think they’re always right."
• "Their expectations are too high."

I’ll dispel these myths and show how Cancer men base their actions on feelings. We FEEL everything—and we want you to feel it too.

 

The Gemini/Aries Conspiracy

Gemini and Aries are great fabricators of stories, so there is little doubt they have conspired to tarnish the good name Cancer. It’s pure jealousy. I understand. You really can’t compete with a self-aware man. I am not a cusp Cancer, just coming out of Gemini, nor about to enter Leo. I am a “smack in the middle” Crab, born on the 12th of July. Therefore, I possess all the characteristics of my Zodiac sign in the seventh house, Sagittarius rising with my moon in Aquarius. That last one lets me think clearly about my emotions and how to use them.

Back to the conspiracy.

Moody and Unstable

“They” portray the Cancer man as being too emotional and can become unhinged at the drop of a hat. I agree and disagree. Because I am an emotional man, I get dust in my eyes when I hear a song like, “Don’t take the Girl” by Tim McGraw, or watch a movie like “Powder”. I will also get emotionally affected by the news when I see some horrific story about unnecessary cruelty. I feel all of that. What's worse, I feel all the different emotions when I walk into a Walmart.  I  am thankful that only emotions are affected and not intelligence.. I am Cancer the Crab, The Heart of the Zodiac. That's why we are moody. We feel the chaotic emotions of those around us.

Unhinged?

The unhinged part I can agree with also. I am, after all, a Cardinal sign, a sign of energy and action. I, like most Cancer men, are very protective of our circle. Our “Circle” being the people, family or friend, that we have created a bond with. We will protect them at all cost, sparing nothing, even ourselves. We are the secret service of love.

Unlike Aries Cardinal Fire, which burns the offender to the ground, or Libra’s Cardinal Air that judges the wrong doers and topples the offenders walls. Nor even Capricorn's Cardinal Earth, who will move the earth to crush the enemy. Cancer, Cardinal Water, will bring the tsunami and wipe the offender off the face of the earth. Nothing is stronger than water, just look at Bruce Lee’s martial arts. The Greatest Martial artist says: “Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. Be flexible like the water-water is powerful, not because it is rigid or unmoving, but because it is soft, moveable and adaptable.” That’s why Cancers are badasses. Hurt someone in the circle and get washed away.

Everything I Say Is Right

That is horse droppings.I will never enter a discussion about a subject I have no emotional connection to. I am insecure, so I would never make myself vulnerable to ridicule by interjecting something that could be wrong. I am not an Aries. What I WILL do is sit back and listen. I might interrupt if there is a discrepancy in the logic, so I might ask a clarifying question. That usually will just add fuel to fire and add value to the entertainment.

But if it's something I feel deeply about, trust me, you will feel what I have to say on the subject, especially if you say something so ridiculous that I would explode if I held my tongue. And when that happens, trust this one thing: When I get on my pedestal, it’s clown time. I like being the center of attention at gatherings; I am a natural stand up comedian. I am quick off the cuff with comebacks and I can feel the crowd and how they respond and I can lay it out thick. Like fellow Cancer man, Kevin Hart, once I’m on a roll, you're done.

My Expectations are to High

That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I’ll make this short and sweet. I expect no more than what I give. Period. If I make a fantastic dinner with music and wine, and don't check my phone every two minutes, then I expect you to at least show the same enthusiasm. Be truly thankful that you have someone who cares enough to make you feel special and focused on. Or would you prefer “date night” to be Mcdonalds, while I watch ESPN in my recliner, one hand on a beer, the other hand down my pants, yelling, Hey, babe, can you grab me another beer!? Love ya.” If it’s the latter, your expectations are too freaking low.

First Date with a Cancer Man

The first date is the all inclusive first impression. There are no second chances and the first date with a Cancer is only a chance to not get stuck in the “friend zone.”

Setting the Stage

Back in the early days of the webnet, there was a huge company Called AOL. Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat and TikTok didn’t exist. Social media, back then, was called a Chat Room, and there were hundreds of them. Our personal webpage was called, “My Space” and it was awesome. But I digress.

I was rebooting my life, so I moved from the midwest to NorthEast Florida with my little sister. Life was nice and at night, I would go online and talk to people from all over about nothing in particular. It was very casual and a time eater. Fun entertainment. Until one evening, there was a bling sound and I found myself on the receiving end of an Instant Message. The basic intro of “Hello, how are you?’

Getting Comfortable

After the pleasantries we actually had a conversation, just getting to know who the other was pretending to be. We discussed music and I play guitar, so I love the subject of music. So we talked about our favorite bands and things like that. This went on for about 3 days, until she asked where I was from. I told her I was in Jacksonville, FL and she said she was Neptune Beach, FL. and we should go out sometime. I said that would be cool. From the persona I was getting from our conversations, I had a good feeling.So I asked my sister if she knew where Neptune Beach was. She replied, by pointing her finger to the east, five miles that way.
I jumped back onto the interweb, and sent an IM (instant message) to this mystery woman named Stephanie. “We should go out tomorrow night.”

“Okay,” she typed back. “I have to work until 10, you can pick me up around then.”
I got the details of where she worked and the countdown started.

Without the Interweb

Now if I would have met this woman in person, in a group of people in a social setting, this would not have played out that way. I am never straight to the point. Like a crab, I see my objective and move sideways, getting closer, but never straight in. I’m too cautious for that, unless I know, 100%, that it’s a guarantee. This date would have taken a couple of weeks, unless she asked me out. I would have spent time, gauging her attention towards me,until i knew she would say yes to the date.

The Date

I Picked her up from her job at an ABC Liquor, bought a pepsi and got in her line. I knew she was a redhead and everyone else working were brunettes. And she had a nametag. She rang me up, and I told her I would be outside waiting for her to come out. Her face lit up she nodded and it was on.

She picked the place, a local bar located in a hotel. I didn’t know the place, but she was comfortable here, and I had a good feeling about her, So I was comfortable. It had pool tables and live music. The band was one of the Van Zants, direct relation to Ronnie Van Zant, of the rock band Lynyrd Skynyrd. One of my all time favorite bands.. This was a good start. She bought me a beer and a shot of Tequila Rose and I racked the pool table. We spent half the evening playing pool. She was horrible, so far out of her league, so I taught her how to look at the shot and swing the stick evenly. It’s my nurturing nature.

Testing the Waters

She asked if I wanted to play darts. Sure, why not? I really, really suck at darts. They should put a warning sticker on me when I pick up the darts. Thankfully they had plastic tips, or a couple of people would have been injured. She, on the other hand, was very good at darts and punished me for the pool table beating she took.

We laughed and danced and talked. The bar closed and we headed out. We went to my comfort zone: The Beach.

We talked, made out and talked some more. She was a Libra, I was a Cancer and all was good in the world.

As the sun came up, I drove her home. We passed a little hole in the wall bar. She pointed to Pete's Bar, the oldest bar in Jacksonville. They ran moonshine out of there during Prohibition. She said, “Next time, we can go there, John Grisham mentions Pete’s in his book….” I didn’t really hear what she was talking about after “Next time”. There was going to be a next time? That was awesome! It saved me a lot of agonizing, wondering if I should call her later to ask her out again. It was sealed. I had a girlfriend.

What comes after the Dating Phase?

This went on for a while, until we finally got our own place. Now we had to figure out the hard stuff. Could we live in the same house, all the time, with each other. As a Cancer, I was good. I had my kitchen set up and we set up the house. It was cozy, it was Home. My universe was finally complete.

Family Misconceptions

It is said, in error, that the Cancer man is mother-centric. It is also said the Cancer man will introduce the girlfriend to the family quickly.. That was true. She met my sister and mother after day three. I wasn’t looking for approval. I was stating loudly, this is the future. Get over it or get lost. Don’t get me wrong. I love most of my family. They were there at a certain time of my life. But my family does not dictate my love life. My mother can approve or disapprove, I don’t care.
Some think that the family circle is the end all be all of the Cancer man, and they would be right and wrong. My circle is my decision. Stephanie, was in the inner sanctum, my family were in the outer sanctum. I would and will protect my family with my last breath, but I will not be a puppet to their likes and dislikes.

Dispelling the Myth

That is how I look at my circle of friends. If I name you as a friend, that comes with a lifetime guarantee. The is only one way to void that guarantee: Betrayal. A betrayal will bring the most horrible of fates. More horrible than a Scorpios sting. I will cut you, completely and irrevocably, out of my life in a split second.

There will be no second chances, no pleading, If you have hurt my feelings, and I have given you all of my heart, you will know what it is like to be out in the cold. You will be so far in Siberia, even the Russians will be like. “Damn, even we aren’t that cruel.” My sister found that out the hard way when, to punish me for going to visit my wife, (her job transferred her to Panama City, 6 hours away) for the weekend. That weekend turned into a week because I stayed there as we looked for another place to stay.

While I was gone, my sister saved me a trip back to Jacksonville, to get our stuff. Out of Capricorn spite, and unable to control my life, she gave all of our clothes to Goodwill and donated my Epiphone Semi-hollow body guitar and Peavey amp to the local high school band. Her erasure from my life was complete

“Cancer” does not mean “Weak.” We are soft like water and will bathe you in warmth. But water can also suck that warmth from you and leave you with hypothermia. Just research waterbed deaths due to the heater malfunctions..

Libras Social Habits vs Cancer Insecurities

There is the elephant in the room. Libra is a shameless flirt. They will giggle at your jokes, flip their hair and hit you with those eyes. But did you know, Cancers flirt just as much, it is just more subtle. Anyway, I have read in some very respected magazines, by respected authors, that me and Libra will not make it. Her flirtatious nature will crush the sensitive cancer heart and send me into a pool of depression

Bullchips! We were at Pete’s bar. She was sitting at the bar and I ventured off to recycle the beer. When I came back, there was a good looking gentleman sitting on my stool. According to the Aries/Gemini conspiracy, that would have caused me to walk away depressed and muttering under my breath, or worse, into an emotional explosion of tears and fists.

Instead, I waited and he asked her if he could buy her a drink. I was so happy when she said, "Sure.” She drinks Stolli White Russians and they are so expensive. She ordered her drink and asked the man, “Are you going to buy a beer for my boyfriend, too?” That dude looked shocked, but reluctantly nodded his head. I leaned forward and kissed her cheek. I should have thought that through, because she didn’t know I was there. She thought it was the other guy, but I’m quick so she missed. He left my seat and I sat down, King of the World. She had my complete and total trust. I would never worry about a betrayal. It would never cross my mind.

At Last

We met online in 2002. We got married on Halloween, 2008. It was a blast. I had always dreamed of getting married. I was in love with the idea of love and I couldn’t wait. Like all Cancers, I move forward with an end game. It is not a haphazard plan. It is a goal. My goal was to find a woman I could trust, respect, and lose debates to. She had to be smart, because idiots piss me off. And when I found someone who was smarter than me, and would rub it in when I questioned that, I was in heaven.

Now, several years have passed. We have been together for 22 years. She recognizes those times when I need “me time” and she leaves me alone. Everyone needs that space to go into their heads and figure things out, not just Cancer men.

The Flaw

The greatest flaw I have is not understanding that she isn’t a mind reader. I never come out and say that I need something. I weave it into a conversation. In my mind, I’m saying, I need you to provide this, whatever it might be at the time. I’ll insinuate the hell out of it in a sideways approach. I expect her to decipher that code. When she doesn’t, I get sullen and quiet. And when she asks me what is wrong, I just reply with a quick, pouting, “Nothing.” I’m back in child mode where no one understands me or listens to what I have to say. I feel like I have no voice. Until I can no longer contain the emotions and force her into picking a fight.

Knowing I am in the wrong doesn’t matter at this point. My expert ability and intuition can feel her begin to waver, wondering what clue she missed, and I open the “guilt trip express”. That is our worst M.O. I can make you feel so guilty, even when you're not, And, depending on how severe I think the infraction was, depends on how long I will milk it. You, reading this right now, might be calling me an asshole. You would be right. I can be. So can you. We all can But I can’t believe you would think that about me when you hardly know me. That’s not fair. What if I just met you and decided, by the way you ordered your Starbucks, that you were self-centered and cruel? Would you like that? How would that make you feel?

That’s the guilt trip. You're not self-centered. I’m sorry.

Conclusion

I hope I have shed some light and corrected some outright lies perpetrated by the Aries/Gemini conspiracy. I had to end the propaganda campaign put into place by the dastardly First and Second zodiac signs. They think that, just because they were here before the rest, they can do and say whatever they choose. They would be wrong about that.

I am funny, loving, creative, nurturing and supportive. I can attest to that because my wife, Stephanie, the Libra, became disabled in 2001. While we wait on the doctors to fix the issues, I take care of her and watch over her. That is my duty as a Cancer. A caregiver.

I am also protective, vigilant, ferociously protective and have a soul crushing mean streak if a threat comes lurking. I’m like that nice German Shepard you see at the neighbors house, playing in the yard and giving kisses all day to anyone who walks by. But try that at 3 am.

We are intune with our emotions and your emotions too. When you meet me for the first time, I will be standoffish for a bit. I’m just feeling the vibe you're giving off. If it is a bad vibe, I will remain standoffish. If it is a good vibe, you’re one step closer to the inner sanctum. Even Aries and Gemini.

So don’t run from the Cancer man. Give him a hug. Scratch his back while you're watching T.V. He’ll probably make you an incredible dinner for it. We give what we expect to get. If you remember that, you will have the love of your life and a best friend, too.

Funny Fact relating to the “unhinged” Cancer. While researching I came across this little tidbit. Some of you might know this, but for those who don’t, Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces and Sagittarius are tied for the number of serial killers at 46 each. So you see, it’s not only Cancers that can become unhinged.

Peace and Love,
Be your Unique,

Tim